The Climb

I overdid it today. I biked to the top of Cerro San Cristobal, which shouldn't be that big of a deal except I've been an absolute sloth recently. On the bright side, it was one of my best days here so far. I can't really describe it, it was just the right thing to do on the perfect day for it. I took a bunch of pictures on the 3 hour journey, absolutely an excuse to take as many breaks as possible, but it's all in the name of giving you, the wonderful reader, something to look at. Also, there will be a tiny bit of catching up on what has happened and not happened for me in the past two months. It will be interspersed throughout or possibly just thrown in really quickly at the end, either way, you're just in it for the pictures. Let's begin.

Sometimes Santiago reminds me of a poor man's Paris (please chilenos, don't take offense, I mean no harm). The architecture of the historic district buildings, the fantastic parks, and well, a "river" cuts through it...

Not to be confused with the Siene, if that's possible.

Every time I look at this thing all I can think about is this. A boy can dream...

Welcome back from the world of pure imagination, now sit and finish reading my story. So the ride to the hill is actually quite far, about a 30 minute ride through the streets. I don't quite trust Santiago drivers enough to be considerate of my life so I've chosen to stick to the sidewalks for now, which fortunately are pretty wide, then the bike lanes kick in as you get close to the river made of Yoo-hoo! Energy was still up as I got to the entrance, I slowed up as I got to a very inconvenient stop sign right before you start climbing, forcing you to lose all momentum and then OH. MY. GOD. DEATH. I was in first gear, standing up, pedaling as hard as I could, remembering I visited last week walking with my girlfriend and it would only get steeper. By the way, have you met my girlfriend? How rude of me. Marcela, this is the 5 people that read my blog. 5 people that read my blog, this is Marcela...

Why are you all surprised that I did well for myself? Jerks!

After much heavy breathing I made it to the first real picture-worthy stop. The Japanese Garden was the reason for our stroll last week and the motivation for the bike ride this week since I didn't take any pictures last week and it really does offer an amazing view.

I like to think this will be historically significant as that on the right is the tallest building in South America,
 mid-construction.

Soaked in this view, fixed my chain which fell off as if my bike wanted no part of the climb, and kept chugging along taking in sights such as

This hairy spider that freaked me out,

this creepy statue,

and obligatory Asian tourists (this one with a kickass beard).

 

After about two hours of punishment, perhaps a little crying, I made it to the top! Only then did I remember I had been here before, the easy way:

The funicular aka The Lazy Train

No matter, I made it the hard way. It was a struggle and after the initial enthusiasm, I wasn't sure I was going to make it, but I did, and it was well worth it. So what if I got a little divine help.

I call her The Patron Saint of Rest Stops.

Getting to the goal was cause for celebration and all the reason I needed to fat it up again. Whatever, don't judge me.

Victory platter

That by the way is a chicken and cheese empanada and mote con huesillo. I'm not explaining it here so just do yourself a favor, click the link, and trust me when I say it's DELICIOUS, especially when its ice cold and you are quite the opposite.

The downhill was was probably my favorite part. Just under 4 miles, 800 feet straight down. What took forever to get up took a matter of minutes to get down. And here is where I get all metaphor-y. Things here are moving slower than I would like, but it has not caught me off guard nor discouraged me from enjoying the process of the climb. There are days when I simply cannot look at the computer screen anymore because there is just nothing new left to check out as far as a location goes. I reach the end of the internet at least 3 times a week and just need to step back, take that breather. But that's fine. If I tried to get to the goal as fast as possible I would be burnt out and probably make some serious mistakes. I do reach new levels occasionally, such as last week when my business accountant (yup, i have one) handed me a folder stating I am the owner of RUSCHMEIER EIRL, which is kind of like an LLC. It's basically done for protection so nobody can sue me for personal effects if something happens in the store, but regardless I'm proud of it. It makes me feel like I got to that Japanese garden level. Soaked it in, energized me and now I'm ready to keep going up, excited for whatever is around the next corner.

Eat Fresh!

_________________________________________________________________________________

You're still here?? You get a bonus. Other stuff that has happened, in rapid fire form.

I awarded myself Hottest Couple at a wedding.

I got my stuff from NYC.

I ripped my favorite shirt.

I visited my town, Castro, where everything is miniature.

There I saw my beautiful family,

ate a baby mango,

and celebrated grandma's 92nd. She's awesome.

I saw a volcano.

I got a great gift from mom. Thanks mom!

I saw a giant chemical fire.  Fumes went the other way. PHEW!

I went to Lollapalooza, 

where I ate too many of these.

Now we are all caught up. Till next time!

Funny Business

I'll start this with another apology, but understand the extent of my laziness. I'm sorry, AGAIN and it will happen AGAIN. Now, lets get down to business...

Jared, habla español?

There it is, my business. What my life will be for the next few years at least. Newly minted owner of a Subway franchise in Chile. Save your applause, I've already been told there are no freebies allowed. Unless, of course, you want to work for me. If so, lunch is on me, but hurry up because the bathroom isn't going to mop itself. I'm serious. And take off that foolish nose ring, this is Subway, not Quiznos. Ohhh franchise burn!!

Last we spoke I was couch surfing and having no luck looking for a place of my own. Guess what, that's still the same. Except at the moment, I'm riding the wave on mom's couch in New York, in what used to be my room, but quickly became a living room, and now back to a storage facility for my things. I started the paperwork for the purchase about a month and a half ago, while still in Chile, in the hopes that I would be able to quickly sign up for the mandatory training in December back here in the U.S. Since I already had a return ticket, I figured I'd come sort my boxes, ship it all out, do the training in sunny Miami and be back in my new hometown of Santiago before Christmas, just in time for the start of South American summer. Things don't always work out how you plan them though, so instead I have to wait an extra month here to do the training, not in warm and wonderful Florida, but in cold and barren Milford, Connecticut in the middle of January.

It hasn't been all bad though, not by any means. This unexpected delay allowed me to be around during holiday season, my favorite time of year in NYC. I have been spending a lot of time with some of you guys and working out since I have no excuse not to with all this free time. Plus, let's be honest, that Subway diet isn't going to cut it on its own. The free time also allowed me to treat fantasy football as a full-time job and I managed to sneak into the last spot of the playoffs in both leagues. Winning those would sure help the business! Not kidding, 12 nights hotel rental in Connecticut at 70 bucks a night has me praying for a monetary miracle.

Slightly off topic, but can anyone tell me what's wrong with this picture?

The answer we were looking for is, "This hotel still costs $70/night and that pool is not indoors." Thanks for playing.

Back to me, since that's what we are all here for. When I got my welcome packet for this new venture, the top of it said "Owner: Hans Ruschmeier" and I had to giggle. I did it because anyone who knows me well enough knows that I have no intention of ever growing up. I don't mean in a weird Michael Jackson kind of way.

What I mean is, even as my forehead expands up and outward to what I now call my sidehead, and as parts of me get creaky and painful, I still feel young. I don't know, I guess I always looked at "grown-up" as something you officially graduate into, perhaps with a ceremony and some classy hor'dourves. Instead, time just kept moving around me and in essence I'm the same person, laughing at the same immature things, still trying to play sports, still playing video games. Still holding on to everything I love, while at the same time making life decisions I have NO business making. When you were young, did you ever look at an adult and think, "This person is no better than me! Stop patting me on the head, imbecil!"? You were probably right. While I love you all, I KNOW most of my friends are pretty similar. That's probably why I've chosen you in the first place. Sure, some of you are married, some of you have kids, some of you have been to jail... you know, big people things. But you and I are all just giant 6 year olds clueless about what comes next, afraid of the next grade and change. I stopped wetting the bed though and I think it's time you do too.

What comes next is exciting and scary as all hell, but its going to happen anyway, so I may as well just prepare myself for the worst and hope for the best, just like 2nd grade. I'll try to keep this updated more regularly since things will start moving faster and more furiously by next month. As for right now, I think I'll have my milk and cookies and take a nap.

Eat Fresh!

(Thank you Steve for this genius signoff. I think it's a keeper.)

Recovery Complete

OK OK I'm back, geeeez, you folks don't let a guy have a few days off to enjoy himself during Chilean Independence week. This is starting to feel like homework and I don't mean fun stuff like make a volcano. I mean like buying a book from the Scholastic Arrow Book Club and doing a book report.

I would have bought the Mad Libs... OK, maybe the Miley Cyrus book too.

Anyway, I'm happy to report that I am still alive and still happy even if I am a little stuck in the apartment hunt. I've seen about 6 places, most of them suck because the good ones go fast. By fast I mean two days after appearing in the Sunday paper, these rentals are already spoken for. "But, Hans", you may ask, "why do you check the paper for listings like some 60 year old man that hasn't caught up with the times?" A fair question, smart asses. The reason is because if I use the INTERNETS, most all of those listings are up because of a broker, which I am trying to avoid for more reasons than just saving some pesos. Because I stupidly quit my job followed my dream I no longer generate a pay stub, of which I need three to fulfill a standard requirement for most anything here, that is unless you know someone. More on that later. So I'm trying to rent directly through an owner who I can sweet talk and/or bribe into renting me their place. I did see a place yesterday which is quite promising due to the fact that the construction company that built this new building is renting directly themselves and they have three units left. I have an order of preference, but beggars can't be choosers. Actually, that's a lie. One time I saw a homeless man outside of Blimpie's and on my way out I tried to hand him a cheese danish. He took it, looked at it and gave it back to me. This actually happened, so don't ever use that saying again, I forbid it.

"Keep your danish. Do you know how processed that is?
I wouldn't give it to my dead dog. I'll just order something online, thanks."

So back to the whole "who you know" thing. I thought that practice had slowly been eradicated in place of the much more sophisticated "what have you done for me lately." Apparently it is still rampant. While it has worked to my benefit more than once already with the whole bank account thing with my uncle and more recently special guest tickets behind the President for the Independence Day military parade, I still can't help but feeling a little upset when I encounter this and guilty when I take advantage of it. Its a system that not everyone can take advantage of because not every class level rubs elbows with people who can do them favors and while I could say I worked hard saving my money so I should feel like I earned this right, I don't. There's something different about being able to score some sold out US Open tickets through a friend and trying to stabilize your life. I know I've been lucky to get this far with so little trouble so I hope you all remind me of that when I start whining about things later on.

That little perk of seats to the military parade was an interesting experience for many reasons. Firstly, if it wasn't for my photography hobby I would have said "I'll pass" in a heartbeat because I HATE PARADES! If you ever want to recreate hell on Earth for me just tell me to stand still for 4 hours in the heat while things go by at a snails pace. Unless it's because the Yankees won the World Series (lets be honest, that's more realistic than my Jets winning the Superbowl) then I want no part of it. However, this time I said why not, let's play with the old zoom lens. I did actually kind of enjoy it, the whole pomp and circumstance of it all; everyone but me decked out in their Sunday best, the president right there presiding over it all, all the generals grinning proudly as their branch strut by making them proud.

Chilean President Sebastian Piñera. I like Obama better,
but I can't get that close to Barack.

There was something uncomfortable about it all, though, and again it had to do with the difference in classes. Every time I come to Chile I feel like a slightly bigger fish in a slightly smaller pond. I mean, lets be honest, in New York I'm nobody and I love it that way. Here, one week in and I'm rubbing elbows with the elite snobs in the special seats while across the way a big group gathered to shout, at the president in particular and us as a whole, arguing for cheaper/free education, a stop to a profit driven and corrupt educational system. And while I do feel there is a time and a place for such protests, the middle of a parade honoring your country and those who protect you not being one of them, I do find myself identifying with them. They were definitely audible, unlike what one of the prez's men said in an interview that he could only hear applause. I definitely felt like if I were back home I would find myself standing out there in the grass, not even in the general audience cheap seats,  instead of perched up looking down at the rest of the world. Ahhh, who are we kidding, if I were in the States I'd be on my couch watching Sportscenter. ESPN North America, I miss you so much!

Parade in the foreground, protestors in the background, and me sitting pretty in my perch.

A couple other things about the past few days in bullet-point format. It's late, I'm tired, deal with it.

• The fonda I went to was a lot of fun. Guys doing tricks on horses, long lines for everything, good kebab, delicious terremoto (white wine and pineapple ice cream) and the best cheese empanada I've ever had.
• Went to my uncle's house the following day and again ate like a pig, had some chicha, and went undefeated at the pool table. I welcome all challengers, but you have to drink more chicha than me first. Those are my rules.
• I found an HSBC here. That is only exciting news for me.
• I made THREE cheesecakes today because whoever made the recipe I followed must have made theirs in a bathtub. Trust me, it will not go to waste, but it will go to waist. HA! See what I did there?! I switched the ah, whatever...
• To those of you that are friends with me on Facebook, I added a lot of pictures of this past weekend. Hope you like them. To those of you that aren't friends and want to see, I'll figure out a way to show you. OK, mom????
• Apparently a satellite, this one, has run out of fuel and will be crashing tonight. Location? You guessed it, off the coast of Chile. This country is finding progressively weirder ways to stay relevant in the news. First an earthquake, then the miners and subsequent rescue in that fallic pod, and now a satellite breaking into exactly 26 pieces, according to "experts", right over my head. So, if a few days go by before my next post, don't bug me about it this time, blame NASA.

You Shook Me All Night Long

There are a few things I definitely miss about New York. Good pizza comes to mind, so do bagels. And since I was apparently the only one who didn't feel the Virginia shake 3 weeks ago, add 'no earthquakes' to the list of pros for the Big Apple. At 4AM this morning, Chile decided to welcome me with a reminder of something I will certainly have to get used to quickly. I was sound asleep, probably dreaming about pizza and bagels, when my bed started to do this...

My eyes snapped open and for a second or two, because of the confusing conditions I woke up under, I had NO clue where I was. I mean none. Couldn't tell you if I was in a bed, a couch, northern or southern hemisphere. All I could think was, "What the F is that!?!" It turned out to be a 5.9 tremor, not to be confused with the Kevin Bacon film Tremors, which scared the bejeezus out of me as a kid. Now, a 5.9 should officially be categorized as an earthquake, which it is, but as I am finding out quickly, 5.9 is but a mere tickle to everyone here. I asked my aunt the next morning if she felt it, she said she did and carried on with her business. I beg to differ as I heard snoring immediately after the shaking and swaying stopped 30 seconds later, while I scrambled to get my phone and brag about it on Facebook.

Yikes.

While I had felt two tremors before, this was definitely the biggest I'd experienced and hopefully it stays that way. I fell back asleep, just waiting for aftershocks, which happened, but I didn't feel them. Woke up at 9, showered, got dressed and headed off to meet my uncle who was going to help me solve my Big Boy Bank Account issue that I wasn't able to take care of myself. We met at 10:30 and at 10:45 I was finishing up opening an account. Simple. As. That. I couldn't believe it was that easy this time compared to my first experience at the other bank. It turns out the other bank is considered a sort of bank of the people, which basically means you're a nobody to them because of the massive volume coming in and out constantly. At this new bank, the moment we walked in an executive stood up and greeted us, my uncle by name, even though he had only been to the branch twice before. We explained my situation, he asked how much I had in savings and said, "No problem at all, I just need proof of your savings", which immediately made me cringe at the thought of contacting HSBC in New York, having an official letter printed, having to ask my mom to do me a huge, annoying favor of taking it to the consulate to have it notarized and faxed over. I reluctantly asked how to prove my worth. The answer: just show me any statement. I said, "Ummmm, I can go online and you can print the screen I guess." He said that'll do, got up and told me to go ahead and bring it up on his computer while he photocopied my Chilean ID. He disappeared and for all he knew I could have brought up a homemade website with fake numbers and a bank logo, but it was all he needed. I think telling the story of the process took longer than the actual process, it felt too easy. By next Wednesday I should have a debit card in my hands. It should be sooner, but Chilean Independence day/month/season is upon us.

We'd love to have your money, errrr, have you as a customer!

I'm sure there are many countries with more holidays than Chile, but I don't know of any off hand. Chilean independence day is officially the 18th, but celebrations go on officially for a week, unofficially more like two. Two weeks of eating all sorts of meats and empanadas, drinking all sorts of wine and ciders. Just when I thought I was going to start working off the 10 pounds I gained during Summer of Hans, it wasn't meant to be. I have to show my Chilean spirit and partake, its my civic duty. Now the decision is, where to go? We need to pick a fonda to go to. Its tough to describe a fonda, but I guess the best comparison would be to some sort of state fair, if that state fair centered around national pride and there were hundreds, maybe thousands of them going on all at once all over every city in the country. My homework now is to find a good one. Oh yeah, and to find a place to live. Let's not forget that. Fortunately, I have two apartments to go see tomorrow, followed by meat eating for a birthday at a steakhouse of some sort. Life seems to have gotten a little easier today, all it needed was a little shake. I leave you with dusk from the window in my bedroom/aunt's living room. Buenas noches!

Lauren, Paul and those "God Damn Jets"

Warning: This is in large part not a fun read. Feel free to skip ahead to the next one. If you do, fill me in because I haven't written it yet.

Starting off light, I'm still loving my phone and thissss...

 ...has yet to happen to it. Glad I went the route I did. Thank you for that reminder, Meredith.

Now let's get serious. :((((((  <---that is an extra long sad face to get my point across.

I haven't written the last few days, not because I've been a hermit, but I haven't exactly felt the desire to write. I woke up yesterday to news from back home that a friend had passed away. While I am completely aware that the world doesn't stop spinning for anyone and we have to keep plugging along, that news did manage to sneak in my head and stay there. There was also no desire to blog about my trivial things this Sunday for obvious reasons. Lost someone there as many of you probably have too. It never stops sucking.

It is exactly 12:01AM here in Chile, I'm watching my J-E-T-S JETS JETS JETS starting to lose control fighting hard to stay in this game. A big turnover made me FIGURATIVELY eat my words. No, not literally. I am not a teen, though I wish I still was. Do you know how much of a shot to the ego it is to realize you need to stretch to do anything physical? And I don't mean touch your toes 10 times and you're ready to go. My jog today, for example, required a brisk walk to the park to get the blood flowing, followed by loosening up the calves, hamstrings, quads, adductors, glutes, and my latest friend: the iliotibial band, which I found out hurts like a B word when inflamed. Then and only then can I start my run, which is followed by the same stretches and walk afterward. I also decided to do some pullups and pushups and nearly fell on my face because the arthritis in my wrist decided to sneak attack me. Yes, I'm 31 years old with arthritis already. Ladies, I'm quite the catch. Feel free to leave your numbers in the comments section, but only if you're willing to clean bedpans and change my Depends in the near future.

The closest re-enactment of my push up incident

The Jets just took the lead and I stubbed my toe in celebration. It just gets better and better. Good thing I have I have insuraaaaanohhh wait, I don't. Sometimes I myself wonder what a lot of people have already said to me, "Hans, what the hell are you doing?" But then unfortunate things happen, some fresh like a lost friend just a day ago, some so tragic that everyone still mourns ten years later. These are the moments, the sad and unfortunate moments that nobody wants to feel that remind us how human we all are; very delicate and fragile when put at the mercy of nature and of our fellow man. These are also the moments that sometimes produce those realizations that life is too short to live any other way than the way you want to live it. Not to keep being a Debbie Downer, but I will end with this quote from a very wealthy and rich man. Wealthy because of his monetary fortune, rich because of how he chose to spend that fortune, helping those who needed it most in this post-earthquake reconstruction era in Chile.

"Never, never give up your dreams, pursue them passionately and if you do not succeed, no matter, just having traveled down that road will make yours a life worth living and I hope the dream you pursue is the impossible dream"

-Felipe Cubillos (August 9, 1962 - September 2, 2011) 


Yes, he passed away just last week, in a plane crash, on his way to see the progress of his enormous reconstruccion effort in the areas affected by the earthquake. Whenever its our turn to go, I hope each and every one of you pursue whatever dream it is that's burning in you, we all have at least one.

The Jets win, my toe feels better, all is right in the world again. By the way, I feel like Doogie Howser, M.D. (Barney Stinson for those under 20) when I end these posts. It feels like my nights should end with this...

Frustration + Football = Wash

Today was my first taste of the difficulties I'll be facing trying to start fresh. I planned on getting an iPhone today, but in order to get a plan, I have to provide my Chilean ID and a local credit or debit card. The first I have, the second I did not, so I set out to get this rectified. I went to the bank, which conveniently enough was three blocks away, ready to open an account like any full-fledged adult is capable of. One major problem; my money and previous life mean nothing to anybody here. Forget the fact that I've been working for a decade, the bank looked at me like like little Kevin McCallister going grocery shopping.

You don't want my money? WHAAAA!?!?!

I was told that in order to open a big boy savings and/or checking account I needed to provide proof of employment in the form of my last 3 months of pay stubs. Well, obviously I no longer work, not that my prior job stubs would have sufficed as they are from abroad and would have needed to be notarized by the consulate. So I opened the only account I could, one that seems to be for first timers, baby's first bank account. It has a ridiculously low maximum amount I can deposit and is essentially useless for human usage, but it would do the trick to buy my phone. Or so I thought...

I show up to the cell store with my paper proof since I won't get my plastic for God knows how long. The lady tells me "Awww that won't cut it lil guy. You need a REAL account." So they don't want my money either. I ended up settling for a prepaid plan in a moment of frustration. Fortunately, I didn't settle for the one crappy phone at that locale. I got on the Metro and went to a better place, which accomplished one more thing on the list-- buy a BIP! card, the chilean version of the NYC Metrocard. Remember tokens? Some of you are probably too young to have experienced these and to you I say I hate you.

This, kiddos, is Old Skool.

Anyway, I ended up getting a Sony Ericsson Xperia X8 if you care to know, and to be honest I like it a lot. Those of you that know me know I've had a tiny candybar dumbphone for the past two years, which I managed to lose one week before this journey.

If you've seen this phone, it's mine. Give it back, jerk!

Those of you who REALLY know me know I had a Google Nexus S for all of one month back in the Spring, which I simultaneously loved and hated because it was awesome, but kept resetting itself to no end. In that short time I managed to link all my contacts to Gmail. And wouldn't you know the second I plugged my Google info into this phone everyone magically reappeared. One ray of light in an otherwise stormy day.

I lie, two great things happened today, the second of which is going on as I type this. FOOTBALL. IS. BACK! Kickoff here was at 9:30PM because of the hour difference, and I held out on eating since 2 because I wanted to watch this game at a nearby place called Sport Cafe, which has tons of big screens. I walk in and every TV is showing the only Argentinian soccer game on today. I should've known this wasn't going to work when I didn't see an American football in their stupid logo. 

Is that a bowling ball? I came to Chile to get AWAY from PBA tour on ESPN!

Came back home, found a pretty decent stream online, ate a ginormous plate of pasta, and filled you in on my productive but annoying day while Green Bay puts a whuppin' on the Saints. And that folks, is all for tonight. Lesson learned today: Bumpy roads ahead, be sure to bring the Big Wheel. Goodnight!

 I had this and it was more awesome than anything you will ever know.

Day 1: In the books

I had no intention of doing this prior to this morning. I can't promise you it will even make it very long being that I've never kept any sort of journal/cute little diary with butterflies on the cover and a special key that I keep in the spine of my 1st edition Judy Blume novel. All I know is I woke up on an airplane this morning and saw this out my window:

Sunrise over the Andes

The image doesn't really do justice to what I saw, as it is missing the strong yellow and hint of green that completed the color spectrum. Anyway, I've made this trip from New York City to Santiago, Chile at least 

20 times and have never been welcomed like this. I find it fitting, being that this trip differs from the others in one specific way; it's permanent (well, that's the thought). 

I decided 7 years ago that I wanted to move to Chile. The reasons are plenty. To be closer to family and friends, to possibly start my own business (a lot more on that to come I hope), and most importantly to just feel freer. One would think freedom and entrepreneurship go hand in hand with "The American Way", but the freedom I want is from a conventional life and I want to start something exciting now while my hair is still more pepper than salt, not when I'm too old to enjoy it or even attempt it. 

That choice 7 years ago was supposed to be a 5 year plan. Year 6 was full of confusion and frustration. But here we are, year 'siete' and I feel like that picture above, completely serene. I have no clue how long I will stay this way, what I will do with myself, who I will meet along the way. I only know that when I finally start looking like Clooney, success or failure, I can say with a smile I gave it a shot. So let's see where it goes...

 

No signs of a receding hairline. Damn you, Clooney!

P.S. - I will try to keep this fun, include plenty of pictures for my illiterate friends, and wrap it all up with a warm fuzzy at the end like insert favorite 80's sitcom. I'll leave you with my personal fave. America or Burst!